It hasn’t happened for a while but out of nowhere it hit me quite hard. Of all places on a lovely break by the sea when I ‘should’ be relaxing. 
A series of small events sent me in to an unexpected anxious panic spiral. 
The feeling of dread took over and the tears rushed down my face. The difference was, this time I didn’t hide it, nor push it away. I was open and honest with how I felt and sat with it even though in a wide open space. In turn I was able to step out of the anxiety much quicker, leaning in and being open with how I felt. No shame about it just being with it. 
By doing this, in not too long I was able to detach from the panic I’d clung on to and could step back and see that I was feeling let down in a few areas in life. I momentarily slipped in to not feeling good enough following a few things that had come up over the past weeks and just like that anxiety rushed in so I didn’t have to think about the actual feelings that had got too much for a moment. 
That’s the thing I now see a lot, we assume that when things are all wonderful that there is no room for error but it’s often when we are sailing along with the capacity to access our feeling that it hits. That last small thing adding fuel to the fire and the flames begin to roar. 
I promise you, leaning in is the way out. Mindfulness, compassion, love and being with it that’s what brings changes, it brings healing. Bravery to now sit with and be open with the problem so moving through is easier. It’s the whole reason I love teaching mindful compassion. 
Life will be like the Ocean, what goes on beneath the surface unknown much of the time, large crashing waves out of nowhere but to access that freedom allow what you can to the surface, be proud of who you are and don’t let someone else determine your worth. 
If you don’t hold space for what lies beneath it can get too heavy. 
Ride the waves with a smile! 
In the words of Jon Kabat Zinn: 

'You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.' 

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