Crashing on the window, the skies closing in. It feels like a new beginning is on the horizon, yet emotions running so high I don’t know how to control them. Clouded over, skies of grey. Longing for the blue to peer through the dark yet fluffy barriers. 
Frozen still, I want to move but don’t know where to begin. I know if I move as I want to, walls will come crashing down. So just as I long to take that step I freeze again. Things out of my control. 
I feel so scared and lonely yet more together than I’ve ever been. Gazing out the window I know it will be OK. Yet a stirring inside me again. A feeling I’ve had before. I try and push away the feelings that arise only to be overwhelmed with emotion. I give in, I let the tears roll down my face like the rain crashing down on my window. 
A storm is moving inside me, I don’t know where it’s going but I must let it pass as it should. I can’t control it and nor should I. 
As the waves crash down and the tide draws out - a single rock lies still by itself, nothing else left. Is it really alone or is that just how it seems? 
The storms we conquer, part of the journey. The only way to be present or we get lost. Inside we have the answers to pull us through the forceful winds. But do we allow the silence so we can truly listen? To follow our heart and be free to live as we desire? 
If we know too much about the storm we would never face it, for it would fill us with fear. 
This storm for example, had I not had so much information or thought about how it would turn out, I’d have possibly been able to enjoy my day. Enjoying each moment without anxiety rising once again, fear of loss felt deep within. The same goes for everything I feel inside. If I just listened I’d be OK but I don’t, I battle with the storms in my mind. 
Why do we allow ourselves to be so consumed with what’s to come? A negative spin often at the forefront. The power and force in the storm amazing, yet this pushed aside for fear of damage and danger. How liberating to feel the wind, to feel alive and lean into it without falling over - the winds so strong they can hold us up. Fear of the danger, the damage - it rises again and again. 
What we truly want matters and we must brave these storms. We can handle them. 
The rock wasn’t alone at all, it just appeared that way. But taking a closer look - there was layer upon layer of love, kindness and an urge for new adventure and freedom from what is no longer needed. Without facing this storm it would have never been washed up, bare and free to be found and to face what’s to come. 
Tagged as: anxiety
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